Thursday, February 28, 2013

Disturbing Parts Of Cartoons

I have compiled the most disturbing parts of cartoons:

-Ren And Stimpy, Adult Party Cartoon: The goal for this short-lived Spike TV exclusive was to make an even MORE inappropriate version of Ren And Stimpy where they were dating. Yes, I just said that. There was one episode full of naked women.
-Beavis And Butthead: "You said wipe! Huh huh huh!" Are these people in grade two or something? Also, their laugh sounds like a constipated donkey.
-The Simpsons Movie: Why the heck would Homer want Bart to skateboard naked?
-Spongebob Squarepants: The close-up shots (Ren And Stimpy style) are just disgusting.
-Alvin And The Chipmunks: There was an episode I saw once where Simon was considered "hot". HE'S A DANG CHIPMUNK.
-Problem Solverz: One seizure after another.
-Adventure Time: There was an episode where Finn had to win a game of "Dropball", a sport where you put a ball up your butt. Also, at the end, Jake puts Finn up his butt.
-Hercules: That minotaur thing just looks creepy.
-Fairly OddParents: Mr. Crocker is just scary. And he's obsessed with fairies. Because that's what 40 year olds should like.

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Things I've Noticed About Cartoons

I've noticed the following thing about cartoons....
-Phineas (from Phineas And Ferb) is probably related to the spies from Spy Vs Spy.
-Gumby, Pokey, Prickle, and the Blockheads are cute characters, then there's that creepy fish thing.
-Tom And Jerry: Jerry repeatedly hits Tom with anvils, bullets, and what-have-you. I think that it would be a good idea for Tom to find a mouse that can't get his hands on firearms...
-I'm the first person to notice this: whenever Bugs Bunny asks, "What's up, doc?" no one ever answers him. Daffy replies, "You're despicable," and Yosamite Sam and Elmer Fudd shoot at him. Can't he get an answer or something?
-Minnie is probably Mickey's sister. Or mom. Ew.
-Beetle Bailey is always sleeping as opposed to helping his army. If you were enlisted and tried this, you would probably be shot by your own army.
-It took me until season three to figure out what Stimpy is.
-Who names their kid "Butthead"?
-In Arthur, all the animals act like humans, except Arthur's pet dog, Pal. Is that really fair?
-Jake the dog is made of rubber and can turn into anything, and Finn has a sword. I'd rather have powers than some stupid piece of metal, wouldn't you?
-Shouldn't Jon watch Odie to make sure Garfield doesn't beat him up?
-Whales eat plankton, so why doesn't Mr. Krabs get his whale daughter, Pearl, to eat Plakton and get his problems over with?
-"Don't have a cow, man!" Okay, Bart, you don't. Now what?

Sunday, February 24, 2013

The Worst Endings For TV (Part Two)

Yesterday, I posted the worst endings for TV. (FYI: For Ren And Stimpy, I left out a disturbing scene where Ren beats the tar out of Stimpy, just to keep this blog family-friendly.) But I realized, I accidentally left out a few good bad endings....

ICM's Worst Endings For TV, Part Two

Seinfield: They all get jailed

An amazing, hilarious show by one of the greatest stand-up comics ever had a horrible ending.
The gang see a blind guy and start making fun of him for some reason. A cop sees them, and jails them for life as they have broken the Good Samaritan law.
In the last scene of the show, the gang's in a jail cell, and they're acting like nothing has happened. Um, yeah.
Curb Your Enthusiasm, a show by the writers of Seinfield, showed that the gang got out of jail years later, even though they had a life sentence.
Maybe the writers just ran out of ideas for the ending.

The Sopranos: The ending is just plain confusing

I never really watched this show, but the ending was so controversial, even Al Jaffee mocked it with a MAD Fold-In (when you folded it, it read, "Sopranos finale: sucked, or really sucked?" and the picture was just black).
So, the show ends with a character talking, and it fades to black in the middle of a word.
Don't get attached to this series, because the ending sucks.

Dallas: Satan takes over

At the end of this Texan series, JR is convinced by the devil to kill himself.
Now, JR is such a bigshot-jerkface, so why would he do so?
Because Satan possesses him.
The writers do know that soap operas are supposed to be realistic, right?

Baby Blues: The network pulls the plug in the middle of the series

Baby Blues, the awesome-as-awesome-gets comic strip by Rick Kirkman and Jerry Scott, had a TV series on Adult Swim for a while (which is weird, because there was nothing bad about the series. I guess it was because most kids wouldn't understand the parenting jokes.), and it rocked, too.
Unfortunately, the series was cancelled at the end of season 2 when they had a whole other season ready and were working on more, so the end of the series was just....random. (Of course, this happened to other awesome series such as Police Squad, but this one was just bad.)
So, the episode is called "Wanda Moves Up", and a great guy named Castrum has posted it on YouTube as well as the rest of the series.
In the episode, Wanda gets a job and becomes a millionaire, and at the end (as a joke), Disney threatens to crush her company unless she sells it to them. Then, the great series unexpectedly ended, leaving Wanda bitterly unemployed.
Don't worry, though, the Baby Blues strip is still going strong and is unquestionably better than the TV show.

 Little House On The Prairie: They all explode

What else can I say? It's pretty self-explanatory. Their town explodes.
That was probably the most exciting part of the series, though.

Saint Elsewhere: The entire series was a lie, and a  cat dies slowly and painfully

Saint Elsewhere was a show about a hospital. If you've never heard of it, watch the Roger Rabbit cartoon "Tummy Trouble" and look at the name of the hospital: "St Nowhere".
Have you ever heard the infamous video game ending, "The cake was a lie"? Well, for Saint Elsewhere, the show was a lie.
Turns out, the entire series was an autistic kid's fantasy, which isn't so bad. It's rather heartwarming, actually (if you ask me).
But, at the end of each Saint Elsewhere episode, there's a cute kitty named Mimsie who's dressed up as a doctor. At the end of the finale, you see Mimsie on a deathbed, dead.
I don't care if the whole series was fake, but when you kill a cat, I HATE YOU.

Roseanne: Again, the entire series was a lie (No dead cat though. Yay!)

Like Saint Elsewhere, the entire series was a lie.
The series was a book Roseanne was writing, and for extra suck, Dan's dead.

Well, I'm done. And, as they say in the BEST ending for TV, that's all folks!

Saturday, February 23, 2013

The Worst Endings For TV

Sorry I haven't blogged for a while: I've been compiling....

ICM's Worst Endings For TV Series

And these are all true.

Dinosaurs: Everyone dies

I already posted how this one ends in another post: "Not The Mama! (And The Baby)". Search it on this blog, and you'll find it.
Technically, Dinosaurs is by the man who made the Muppets/Sesame Street, Jim Henson. Don't ask me what the heck his doctor was giving him to cure his cold, but in the end of Dinosaurs, the whole beloved family freezes to death....and you watch them do so.
Jim! Eh, are you okay?

Alf: The government finds him, and they capture him, and dissect him

Alf is an amazing and hilarious show about an Alien Life Form (Alf is an acronym) from distant planet Melmac who comes to live with a typical American family and their cat named Fluffy. Alf wants to eat Fluffy at first, but then befriends him.
At the end, Alf goes to meet his old Melmacian friends, but before they come, the government finds him. They're all like, "Oh, an alien! Let's kill him because we're the government and we have the right to do any poop we want to, plus, it's not like he should be treated properly because he's a person just like us!" (Okay, they didn't say that, but I just hate the government.) They capture Alf, and send him off to be put down and dissected. Now, this wasn't how it was SUPPOSED to end. This was originally part one of two in a cliffhanger to end the series, and the networks pulled the plug on the series halfway through. Later, the creators of the series announced that Alf escaped the government, but did not meet his buddies from Melmac, and the family he lived with originally moved to Iceland for some stupid reason, so Alf ended up a hobo for all eternity. Couldn't you have just killed him so he could be happier?

An Italian Ripoff Of The Muppets My Friend Told Me About: They all burn

I don't know the title of this, but my friend told me about some Italian ripoff of the Muppet Show where they're all toys that live in a factory.
In the end, the factory burns and takes the toys down with it, except for one: the ripoff of Fozzie Bear escapes to live as a hobo.
But the weird thing is: the toys could have escaped supposedly an hour or so before the fire, so they technically committed suicide. I don't think this series has ever been republished on DVD or anything, and I don't even know what it's called. If you see it, please put a link in the comments. I'd like to see it.

Lost: They were all dead the entire time

As the show Lost went on, it just kept getting weirder.
So, I guess this was one of the less bad endings, as the cast being dead the entire series and they were stuck in some weird purgatory is probably the best explanation.

Tom And Jerry: Jerry dies

Waaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiit a minute, this isn't totally correct. This is supposedly a rejected Tom And Jerry cartoon with anti-fighting sentiment that Hanna-Barbera never aired. I read about it on Creepy Pasta. I'm not sure whether or not I should believe it's real, but if you want to see it, it's called "Tom And Jerry: Suffering".
It starts out with the normal goofy, awesome, slap-happy Tom And Jerry theme song, but then it goes to a bold title card saying, "Suffering".  It shows Tom (the cat) in an abandoned house, and he looks sad. He goes to Jerry's (the mouse) mousehole, and sees him lying there, dead. It would appear he died of natural causes, not Tom killing him. Tom starts bawling, and like Ren And Stimpy's ending, it's realistic crying, as if someone was punching him. It fades to black and says some peaceful message on the screen.

Mickey Mouse: Mickey slowly goes crazy until his face implodes

Like Tom And Jerry, this was a rejected Toon you can find on YouTube. This never aired (thank gosh), but is called "Suicide Mouse.avi". Now, there is a series of REAL Mickey comics where he tries to kill himself but doesn't, but this is different.
I thought this was fake at first, but the folks at Disney claim it may be real, but they're not sure. Most likely, Walt Disney did not make this short.
So, this cartoon was supposedly made in 1930, and it's just a continuous loop of Mickey walking down the street (a loop, as in The Flintstones). But the music is just random banging on a piano, and Mickey looks sad. Despite it's name, he does not commit suicide. Instead, at six minutes, mickey starts to smile, but ti's a creepy smile. The sidewalk starts to warp, the music turns into a long scream, the buildings start floating, and the most weird part.....color.
Color was not possible when this was made, so there must have been some technique used. Plus, as I mentioned earlier, Walt may not have made this.
Eventually, Mickey's face implodes, comes back, then it zooms in on him and he has a creepy face, followed by a scream.

That's my list! Sorry, it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be, but it was still funny at times, right? Right? Ah, forget it.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Big Fat Review

I watched Big Fat Liar yesterday....

Big Fat Liar (2002)

Plot: Okay, here we go: So, you've got the lying kid named Jason Sheperd who keeps lying and eventually his lies catch up with him. This time, his punishment for lying is that he has to write an 1000 word essay on whatever in 3 hours, so he writes a story about lying called "Big Fat Liar". Jason's on his way to deliver his essay to school when he rides his bike into a limo and blames it on the limo driver, so he gets to ride in the limo to his school with a movie maker named Marty Wolf. Jason leaves his essay in the limo and Marty reads it, and he thinks it's a great idea opposed to his current movie which features Jaleel White fighting crime with a chicken (it's stupid).  Jason lands in summer school for not having his essay, and his parents go off on vacation for a week or so. Maybe I'm the only person who noticed it, but YOU REALLY THINK THE PARENTS WOULD STAY WITH THEIR CHILD WHEN HE'S FORCED TO ENROLL IN SUMMER SCHOOL. But that's just a suggestion. So, Jason and his friend (some girl who's name I can't remember because they only say it, like, never) go to the movies after his first day of summer school, and they see a trailer for Big Fat Liar, because Marty has somehow been able to make a high-budget trailer after only one day. Jason gets mad because Marty didn't get his permission, so him and his friend just drop everything and go to LA. I thought that maybe Jason's summer school would notice he's gone and call his parents, but nah, whatever. Jason and his friend start living in Universal's movie studios's prop room which apparently has no form of security whatsoever, and Jason goes to see Marty and demands he calls his parents to say that he wrote Big Fat Liar. Marty refuses and sets Jason's original essay on fire with a cigar and pours Vodka on the fire, making it worse, as Marty isn't concerned that, you know, HIS WHOLE OFFICE COULD GO UP IN FLAMES. So, for the next few days, Jason and his friend enlist the help of a limo driver who's miffed at Marty to drive them around so they can mess with Marty. They turn Marty blue, make his hair orange, and glue his iPod's earbuds in his ear in hope of making Marty confess, but he doesn't. Eventually, they make Marty go to the wrong address when he's supposed to meet the president of Universal about Big Fat Liar, and the president gets mad, threatens to pull the plug on the movie, and Marty's on a deadline. Soon, Jason gets the help of everyone that hates Marty to make him miss his deadline, get him fired, and, as a bonus, Marty admits to the whole world that Jason created Big Fat Liar. Everything goes happily at the end.

Rating: 7 stars (out of a possible 10). The plotholes really begin to pile up as the movie rolls on, but it was a nice movie nevertheless.

Reccomended For: The average Joe. This movie doesn't really specifically target anyone.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

The History Of Earth

I have composed a study of how we have evolved over the years:

ICM'S Exclusive Study Of Mankind

Year One: We came on to Earth. Ah, a nice planet soon to be invaded with greed, pollution, and violence. And bacon.
(Let's skip a few years at random points, shall we?)
Ice Age: Earth freezes over while a squirrel tries desperately to eat an acorn.
Dark Ages: Knights fight in a bloodbath to the death, but it's just a flesh wound.
1812: A big war was said to happen now, but it actually happened in 1813. 1812 just sounds better.
1900: Cars are invented! This is also when they probably invented Carbon Monoxide.
1901: Dr. Seuss was born this year.
          He wrote us books about things we would fear.
          Don't deny it! What would you do
          If a huge cat came in your house and your fish started talking, too?
1912: The "unsinkable" ship sank. That's irony for ya, folks.
1920's: The Three Stooges came out sometime in this period. Scrap Star Wars technology, Three Stooges should be the next warfare thing.
1925: Charles Schulz! Good grief, I really need to get further or this'll be a long article....
1928: I skipped to the most crucial thing on this timeline that happened early on: Mickey Mouse!
1930: What's up, doc? Looney Tunes came out to rival Mickey...
1930's: The great depression. We struggled to get out of this period, and a few decades later we're back in it and the government doesn't give a fart in the wind.
1931: Smile, Darn Ya Smile was the name of this cheerful Looney Tunes cartoon to come out. The song would later be ToonTown's theme in Roger Rabbit's movie.
1941: Archie Andrews: a typical teenager who's principal doesn't try to help him, has two girlfriends, and a best pal who eats burgers nonstop and has no diabetes. Yeah, real typical.
1950: Peanuts! Need I say more about THE best comic strip?
1952: MAD Magazine! Other media would lie to us about USA's state, but MAD speaks the truth.
1960's: Hippie-mania.
1960: Family Circus ran with a dotted-line onto our comics page and is still here!
1969: Woodstock, and it ain't the bird I'm talking about.
1970's: Weird Al sang famously first in 1976, and has been super mega awesome since and is still going strong!
1971: Ziggy: If you've ever been to a Hallmark store, you've seen him.
1976: Garfield: If you exist, you've seen him.
1980: Pac-Man. It's a wonder he isn't possessed after eating all those ghosts.
1980's: The Back To The Future Saga. Great Scott, I know it came out in 1985 but that spot on this timeline is taken by Italian plumbers.
1981: Donkey Kong. Expert players still look like idiots today when they mindlessly toddle into a barrel.
1985: Super Mario Brothers! We still play it to this day and nobody can remember Green-er, Luigi's name.
1988: Who Framed Roger Rabbit! Don't disagree: it's the best movie ever.
1990's: Big Nate, the awesome comic strip rival to the Wimpy Kid, came out. Yes, all the way back then!
1991: When Mario had the gaming world for years, a certain blue hedgehog named Sonic ran (literally) in to rival him...
1995: Toy Story came out: A wonderful movie which makes it so that you can't help but feel your toys are alive and watching you.
1999: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Spongebob Squarepants!
2000: Peanuts ended and Charles Schulz died. Who knew a new century could start off so sadly?
2006: Sonic celebrated his 15th birthday with Sonic 06, the worst game he's ever done. Why was it so bad? It wasn't even finished when it was released! (Long story.) Don't worry, Sonic, you'll make much more amazing games soon. Trust me...
2012: Near the end of the year, comic strip Baraler launched on the internet! It's still a webcomic with hopes to be in the newspapers soon...
2013: Not much progress from Year One.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Toothpaste Haste

Toothpaste is weird.
I brush my teeth, and whenever I drink water, it tastes tastes horrible.
Shouldn't there be a disclaimer on the tube of toothpaste saying something like:
"WARNING: Do not drink water after use of this because this toothpaste's aftertaste ill make it all weird and you'll hate it. -And don't even get us started on orange juice!"

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Inside A Cartoonist's Mind Valentines

As Valentine's approaches and everyone in your class will be giving and receiving those crud-filled store-bought valentines with Fat Albert and Megatron on them, I offer my condolences with Valentines that I drew and wrote:

ICM'S Valentines


Saturday, February 9, 2013

Blog Log

Here, I tried to keep a journal version of my blog:

Today I got hit with a basketball in gym class.
Today I got hit with a basketball at recess.
Today I got hit with a basketball at the park.
Today I got hit with a basketball in a dream.
Today I got hit with a basketball at a basketball game.
Today I got hit with a basketball at a comic convention.
Today I was pondering life in the forest, and the answer to life came to me......but I forgot it because I was hit with a basketball.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Clueless Man Reviews The Looney Tunes Show

Clueless Man takes another crack at a review:

Hey, guys, I'm back! I used to watch Looney Tunes as a kid, but I, uh, forgot about it. There's a new Looney Tunes show out, so now I can watch it again! So, you've got the rabbit guy who lives with an irresponsible duck with no brain. The rabbit can get really annoyed by the duck. The duck's other friend is some Max Headroom pig who doesn't wear pants, and there's a stereotypical Mexican mouse who makes pizza. I really don't get why it's called "Looney", because all it is is a bunch of animals living in a suburban life. There's also this creepy rabbit girl who stalks the aforementioned rabbit, and at the end, the duck usually gets arrested or something like that. Anyways, I'm off to go watch that Monsuno show that makes people as clueless as me when they try to figure it out.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013


Recently, a picture of president Obama using a gun was revealed.
ICM exclusively presents this exclusive footage:

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Rejected Final Chapter Of Harry Potter

I've recently made u--uh, come across the rejected version of the final Harry Potter chapter:

"Oh my God, we killed Voldemort!" Harry was in shock knowing that he could have just killed him on their first encounter and all this stuff never would have happened. "So, now what?" Ron questioned. "I dunno," Harry replied. "Wanna watch South Park?" Unfortunately, they realized that they damaged the cable box when they blew up Hogwarts, and that they would have to travel to the 90's to see any trace of South Park.
"You see, this is one of those things we never thought about," Harry started. "Sure, we may have killed 70% of our characters in one fell swoop, but more importantly, we broke the cable! Now we have to call the repair man! Do you know how much he'll charge?"
"Nah," Ron said. "This is the UK. Everything costs less here. Especially around the Hogwarts area, as, like, everything is so primitive when we have advanced technology in the rest of the world."
"Whatever. Wanna blow this place and watch South Park on the internet in a place WITH technology?" Harry asked. "Sure," Ron answered.
And so they did.
(I left out the part where Hermione changes her name because it sounds more like a body dysfunction around your pelvis area that you need removed than a name.)

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Hey, Zucaritis!

I found this box of Chocolate Frosted Flakes, and it said "Zucaritis" on the box.
I'm guessing that's Spanish, but I couldn't resist making this song about it:
(Sung to the tune of Macarena)
I think it's some kind of Spanish Disease,
Zucaritis A and Zucaritis B.
It rhymes with nothing except "Hepatitis":
Hey, Zucaritis!  

Friday, February 1, 2013

What Sucks About TV

A new ICM feature!

What Sucks About TV

-Cartoon Network running LIVE-ACTION shows.
-The Wonderful World Of Disney only shows either Finding Nemo or Monsters Inc. EVERY. DANG. DAY.
-The number one pottymouth on TV: Honey Boo-Boo.
-Regular Show: The kid's show with 20 dirty messages an episode.
-BeyBlade! Just what we need! Anime freaks on steroids screaming about spinning tops with magical powers!
-Violence in cartoons nowadays consists of....well, pretty much a lawsuit. What happened to violence?!
-Dallas is back on, and the only member of the original cast is dead.
-Betty White has a cameo in pretty much every show on the face of Earth.
-The Today Show focuses on the same hoax for weeks, when they've already squeezed all the scandal-ness they could out of it.
-TV is so bad, that blogs like this are writing what sucks about it.