Tuesday, April 30, 2013

The World's Dumbest Video Games

Today, we will look at the world's most idiotic video games.

Sonic's Schoolhouse (1996)

What do you get when an awesome character has become super successful over only SIX YEARS?! Amazing! His popularity has only grown from 1991-1996, so a celebration is in order. Only the celebration is LEARNING.

Sonic is driving a schoolbus in an orderly fashion, as opposed to running the kids to school like he's supposed to.
The graphics were early 3D (look at how shiny they were), and that's just the worst idea for a video game ever.
Sonic Schoolhouse
"Hey, kids! Let's do some radical algebra! Way past cool!"

Pokemon Red/Blue, First Release, Japan Only (About 1996)

Actually, the only thing wrong with this game is a town called "Lavender Town". If you were under 13 and listened to the music with headphones, the music would cause your ears to bleed, or, at worst, make you kill yourself.
Nintendo claimed they knew nothing about it. Why? The music was a glitch, and it doesn't affect adults.
It just sounds annoying to them.
Really annoying.
Like, really.

Super Bonk (1994)

Most video games have a plot. This one doesn`t. You are some caveman baby that whacks stuff with his head until you transform into some dinosaur or a robot thing.

He`s mad because he found out how moronic his game really is.

Toilet Kids (Whenever)

You are in a spaceship, shooting mysterious objects. Only, those objects are poop. And you`re in a spaceship in a toilet.
Please, never make me play this again.

The Muppet Show (80`s or 90`s)

I took pictures of this a long time ago, intending to put them here. Now is the time. This game ruined the perfectly awes-mazing series with bad graphics and stupid levels.
Unfortunately, Blogger is being stupid and the pictures aren`t working.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Jurassic Park

I saw Jurassic Park in 3-D. Guess what that means:

Jurassic Park (1993)

Plot: John Hammond wants to make an amusement park, but this ain't no Disney World. As opposed to Mickey Mouse walking around there are herbivores, and.....carnivores. But, hey, the carnivores are behind electric fences!
Hammond brings in three doctors, a lawyer, and his grandkids for approval over the park. But one of his workers is evil. EVIL. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL. Uh, sorry.
He tries to steal a bunch of dino-embryos, but when a poison dinosaur wants to "play", yeah, well, that's the last you see of him. He drops the embryos.
But, wait! Wouldn't such an amazing park have a top-notch security system and see the traitor? Yes, so...he turns it off! This means that the electric fences are off, too. The T-Rex eats the lawyer while he's doing business. In the bathroom. Hammond, one f the doctor's wife who is a doctor herself, the third doctor who isn't married, and the guy who would later play Mace Windu are trying to "get Jurassic Park back online".
Meanwhile, the married doctor and the two grandkids are trapped in the open and are trying to survive!
In the end, the park shuts down and everyone (except some hunter) survives, and, they're all happy.

Rating: 10 stars (out of a possible 10). Fun fact: Bill Watterson (Calvin And Hobbes) didn't draw any dinosaurs in Calvin And Hobbes strips for months after this film's release, to avoid unfair comparisons with the CGI-nosaurs.

Recommended For: Anyone!

Now, this post has been leading up to:

Sunday, April 28, 2013

What If Fictional Characters Had Diaries?

You've probably wondered: what if fictional characters had diaries? Well, wonder no more, as ICM exclusively presents...

Fictional Characters's Diaries

Darth Vader (Star Wars):
I can't believe I just tried to kill my own son. 

John Hammond (Jurassic Park):
Saturday, Friday 15th
The park is coming along well. I've decided to also bring back the carnivores. It sounds dumb, but honestly, what could possibly go wrong?

Kesuke Miyagi (The Karate Kid):
Day 92:
The kid thinks I'm teaching him karate, but I'm really just getting my car waxed for free. I really hope he doesn't wax a car in an actual confrontation.

Super Mario (Super Mario Bros):
After over 20 years, I'm beginning to think that the princess just likes being captured.

Charlie Brown (Peanuts):
I'm really starting to wonder if my psychiatrist has a license. If pulling a football away from me every time I try to kick it is a form of medical practice, then I hate ObamaCare even more than I thought I did.

Eddie Valiant (Who Framed Roger Rabbit):
August 1944
Wow, that case in retrospect. I'm seen a lot of strange ways to act when you're happy, but I've never seen a bunch cartoon characters get together and sing when a jerk dies.

Fred Flintstone (The Flintstones):
June 8th, 23 BC
It's really nice to have animals do all the chores for me, but if I here one more bird say, "AWK! It's a living," I'm gonna go insane.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

ICM's Bathroom Reader

We all know Uncle John's Bathroom Reader, right?Well, you shouldn't, since the last one was published around 1996. Technically, it was just pages of interesting facts! ICM exclusively presents......

Friday, April 26, 2013

Even More Infuences

Today, I will draw even MORE of my influences. I'll be back to blogging soon. Maybe even tomorrow. By the way, these influences (except for Charles M. Schulz, who was first) are in no specific order. I haven't ranked the rest.
(PS: I installed the "Amazon: My Picks" widget at the bottom of the page. Check it out!)

Bil Keane handles the "heartwarming" humor, which will come in handy after a bunch of old-Toon-style jokes (anvils). Also, that dotted-line gag he has is genius. Same goes for Not Me.

Jim Henson has really helped to bring out my imaginative side. With all of his brilliant creations, the imagination never ends. Even after his death, the Muppets are still going strong. FUN FACT: Me and Jim Henson were both born on September 24th, though different years.

If you've ever read this blog, the MAD Magazine influence is evident. I always pick up their latest issue, cover up the writers and artists credits in each article, and try to guess. I'm usually right. That's how you can tell what I read in my spare time.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

More Influences

Here are some more influences (and, yes, I drew the pictures again):

Bill Watterson had his brand of philosophical humor. Calvin and Hobbes were both named after philosophers, go figure. He handles squash-and-stretch amazingly, and is able to easily show the contrast between the realistically-drawn backgrounds and the cartoony characters.

                                    Peyo had his own humor, and it was unique. My favorite Smurf is Jokey, because I can relate to him. (Okay, except for the exploding-gift-thing he has going.) He created flexible characters, making posing them a lot funner. At least for me.

Alas, Walt Disney. Your glorious company with probably the smoothest animation ever is now being ruined with dumb live-action shows like Hanna-Montanna, Austin And Ally, Really Me, and other junk. BRING BACK MICKEY! At least they still have Phineas And Ferb and Gravity Falls for us Toon-lovers.
These are not all of my influences. I have more in my previous post, and more coming up in the next. See ya!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Some Of My Influences

Today, I will draw some of my influences.

Charles Schulz is my main influence. He handles expressions amazingly, plus he has created situations and characters that nobody else on the face of Earth could create. As a bonus, who else could make you laugh at and cry for Charlie Brown at the same time?

Jim Davis created Garfield because he noticed that there were "precious few cats" on the comics page. He handles expression well, though he just writes and lays out Garfield nowadays. It's always had his awesome brand of humor.

I recently discovered John K and Spumco, but I really like John K's "don't draw the same expression twice" principle. It may seem hard, but it keeps the animation fresh. Also, he uses layouts, a good thing to use.
I'll draw another three influences later!