Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Prison, Prison, Baby

Sorry, shorter post than usual today (longer ones coming soon).
Well, Vanilla Ice is in jail.
Wait, it isn't for his "Cool As Ice" movie? I really don't see how he could commit a bigger crime than that.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Confucius Vs. Cartoonist: Differences

Confucius say:
Without feelings of respect, what is there to distinguish men from beasts?

Cartoonist say:
Well, there's government. Wait, no. Let me think...

Monday, February 16, 2015

Confucius Vs. Cartoonist: Beauty

Confucius say:
Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.

Cartoonist say:
There is a surprising lack of beauty in most celebrities; however lots of people claim to see their nonexistent beauty for some reason.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Cartoonist Vs. Confucius: Books

Confucius Say:
You cannot open a book without learning something.

Cartoonist Say:
The National Enquirer, Fifty Shades Of Grey, any teen celeb magazine...

Saturday, February 14, 2015

A Complete Guide To Five Nights At Freddy's

Recently, a horror point-and-click game called Five Nights At Freddy's has been extremely popular.
Keeping up with our usual trend of milking fads, here at ICM, we've provided a comprehensive game-guide on how to beat the game!

Friday, February 13, 2015

Software Updates

With Apple, Microsoft, and Linux (for the two people on Earth who use that), there are software updates.
They take half an hour to install, and all they do is make your screen 0.00000002% brighter, or erase all your contacts, or something like that.
And then they write a new "Terms & Conditions" for each new update, which no living soul has ever bothered to read.
I feel really sorry for the poor slob who has to write a new "Terms & Conditions" for the every five minutes an update comes out. I really do. Those things are lengthy. They must take at least two hours to write/proofread. And nobody has ever read them.
Though they probably should.
If I wrote one of those, I would be really tempted to just sneak things in like, "by clicking 'Agree', you hereby give us your firstborn" and stuff like that.
But that's beside my point.
My point is that these take forever to load, are released every other day, and are just overall tedious. I still haven't updated my iPad to iOS 8.1 billion jigowatts or whatever we're on now.
This is honestly why I'm considering switching to this computer:
It would be a big time-saver.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Make Your Own Brian Williams News Story!

Here's something I haven't done for a while...
So, basically, reporter Brian Williams recently admitted that he made up a truckload of his stories, and now, nobody likes him. But why let Brian boy have all the fun? Let's make up our own Brian Williams News Stories....

DIY: Brian Williams Stories

Hi, this is Brian Williams. I'm here today in (1), and I have shocking news. I recently spoke with (2), and they told me that (3).
Now, being the brave man I am, I am going to have to fly into the disaster zone myself and save the day. Also, I (4). This is all true. I swear.

    -Disney Land
    -A coma
(2)-The ambassador
    -Chuck Norris
    -A completely, verified, not made-up source
(3)-The world is ending
    -Everything's better with Perry
    -I am definitely here. I swear
    -There's a dog in the vent
(4)-Lowered taxes single handedly
    -Am guaranteed free entry for the rapture
    -Am Lorde. Ya ya ya
    -Removed all Kardashians from the gene pool. You're welcome

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Separated At Birth Celebrities

Occasionally, people get separated at birth.
This can happen to anyone, even celebrities. Here at ICM's (nonexistent) research department, we've pinpointed who these celebrities unknown brother/sisters are...