A Guide To Archie Comics

Series: Archie
Ranking: Very good
Description: A comic book based on "America's typical teenager", Archie, who...isn't....typical. Still, it's a great series!

Series: Sonic The Hedgehog
Ranking: Very good
Description: Following the adventures of video game superstar, Sonic. I subscribe to this one. FUN FACT: in a fan art drawing, the printing made the fan's caption hard to see. If you look closely, the caption was Sonic saying, "I'd like to see Mario do that".

Series: Mega Man
Ranking: Very good
Description: I haven't read much of this, but it looks great. Also, Mega Man sounds like what you would call a fat guy waddling down the street.

Series: Li'l Jinx
Ranking: Great
Description: Not as good as the aforementioned series, but still pretty decent.

Series: Cosmo The Merry Martian
Ranking: N/A
Description: I've never read this, but maybe the martian is merry from drinking too many cosmos. Heh.

Series: Pat The Brat
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: Can you say, "Dennis The Menace plagarism"? Only, Dennis The Menace is funny. This is sad.

Series: Super Duck
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: Hmmm, where have I seen THIS before? In the book "The Best Of Archie Comics", someone said that Donald Duck is for younger kids and Super Duck is for older kids, but I think the person I quote just pitied the series. This is a TOTAL RIPOFF of Donald Duck, and I liked it better when it was called Disney.

Series: Seymour
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: How many ripoffs of Archie ARE there? Two: Seymour and Wilbur. I think it's kind of pathetic that a comic company would ripoff it's own title character.

ICM Science

Hey, students! Wanna get science-ical? Then buy ICM's Science Textbook! It has all you need to know!

EXCERPT:

Chapter One: Photosynthesis

Photosynthesis is a process where you go into a dark room and develop a photo. You can also develop plants in this dark room, but, hey, that's advanced! I shall stick to stupid stuff for stupid people. Just for you. Okay, I have no idea what science is.

Buy the full book now on Amazon!: www.amazon.com/thisisnotarealurlandifyougoonityousuckhaha

Old Cartoons Versus New Cartoons (Part Two, Conclusion)

So, as I said yesterday, the newer cartoons are flat, lifeless, while the older cartoons put more care and personality into them.

See what I mean? Where's the personality there, besides the fact that the creators are obviously screaming, "shoot me". Now, let's take Hanna-Barbera cartoons as an example for good cartoons. The animation quality wasn't perfect, but while they sacrificed that, they got the character's personality into every shot!

 

Above is my proof. That was raining personality, while the quality was a bit choppy. The Hanna-Barbera people definitely cared about what their cartoons looked like, while newer studios could just puke on their drawings for all they care. Now, not all new animation studios are bad. Frederator and United Plankton are good ones, as well as many more.

 

Roger Rabbit (above). My favorite movie, which was probably the hardest movie ever to make. The production history is too much to list here, so just look it up. That goes to show how much they cared about what their cartoon looked like.

I know that this was a different topic for my blog, but, hey! I need to prove that point. Back to funny stuff tomorrow. Or the day after. I'm lazy.

Old Cartoons Versus New Cartoons (Part One)

 Hello, class! Actually, most of you are probably older than me, but I'll still talk down to you. There was a time when cartoons were good, believe it or not. Here is the detail Disney and Iwerks put in their cartoons....

...and now, here's the crud Nickelodeon is feeding us nowadays:

But, Nickelodeon wasn't always bad!They used to have Rugrats, Ren And Stimpy (my personal favorite), Hey Arnold, Invader Zim, Spongebob (I know it's still on, but better quality Spongebob), and more. Look at how cool THEIR cartons were back in the day:

That was the quality Nick used to have. Now, it's just flat, lifeless characters who wedgie themselves for 15 minutes and call it a show.
TO BE CONTINUED!

It's...Magic!

I'm kind of weird with magic. I can make money disappear, but I have trouble making it appear again.

The Six Degrees Of Stimpy

Here's something I came up with. It revolves around the letter "J":

Stimpy J. Cat was voiced by Billy West,
Who also voiced Philip J. Fry in Futurama, created by
Matt Greoning, who's most famous character is Homer J. Simpson,
Who found out that his middle name actually is "Jay", which is not far off from
"Jake", as in Jake the dog, who was created by Pendleton Ward, who also made
Bravest Warriors, an internet-only cartoon series, and
The first internet-only cartoon series was "The George Liquor Program", made by
John K, who also made Stimpy J. Cat....

Dick And Jane ICM-Ified

I will try to write Dick and Jane:

See Spot run.
Spot runs fast.
Spot goes fast.
Fun, fun fun!
Spot sees a tree.
He goes to it.
He lifts up his leg.
What are you doing, Spot?
Oh, my God!
Spot, that is gross.
Say, "Goodbye" to the tree, Spot.
You are going inside now.
The tree smells funny now.
Oh, funny tree!
Why do you smell funny?
Oh, wait, I think I know why.

Man Of Steel Review

Yesterday, I was invited to an advanced screening of Man Of Steel (suckers). Here we go:

Man Of Steel (2013)

Plot: Kal-El is sent down from Krypton and becomes Clark Kent. Whatever. We know THAT part. But General Zod, the moron who thinks he`s a good guy, escapes from a black hole (called the Phantom Zone) and tries to capture Clark Kent so he can rebuild Krypton on Earth, which would kill all humans.
A huge fight ensues, and the next sequel should be ``Superman Cleans Up``, as he destroys almost the entire city. He wins, though.
I didn`t give away too much in this review, as the movie isn`t in theaters yet (suckers), and I do not want to give away too much and tick off Warner Brothers. I want to just give away the important parts and tick off Warner Brothers (suckers).

Rating: Ten stars (out of a possible ten)! I can`t decide if I like this one more, or the first movie.

Recommended For: Older people, as this is a darker Superman movie. Also, you see an uncensored shot of baby Superman`s...uh, parts a bunch of times.

You`ll Love It If: You love Superman! I did.

Also, one more thing: I haven`t been blogging on a good schedule, so, sorry. My blog schedule will be normal by tomorrow.

The Reason Why You Shouldn't Call Tech Support

Coding ICM

Coding seems to be a good way to help websites, so maybe I could give it a try. ICM needs more originality! Also, I don't know a fart in the wind about code, and I just started learning, and this is all fake, like most of the stuff on this blog, and-.....

PROGRAM: inside_a_cartoonist's_mind
         FILE TYPE: blog
PROCEDURE: IF user ("CartoonistGuy")
             THEN
                Initiate: "HAL-9000"
"HAL-9000": ("Welcome_back,_Lord"!)
           IF user NOT ("CartoonistGuy")
                               THEN
                Initiate: "Peon Settings"
"Peon Settings": ("Get_off_this_blog_worthless_scum".)
"Peon Settings": ("Welcome_back,_reader"!)
DISPLAY: ("Latest_blog_post")
             ALONGSIDE:
                     ("Other_old_blog_posts")
                IF user: NOT_LOGGED_ON
                   THEN
                      Initiate: ("Get_your_sorry_buttocks_logged_on".)
                IF NOT_LOGGED_ON
                    [Still_fails_to_log_on]
                   THEN
Initiate: "Torture Mode"}
                         "Torture Mode":
-+$1,000 to NOT_LOGGED_ON's credit card every: "0.000000005" seconds.
-Call NOT_LOGGED_ON's grandmother: "Old_fart".
-Tell NOT_LOGGED_ON to: "Log_on,_for_God's_sake"!

Spam A Lot...

I find that Blogger may be the safest place from spam.

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(Please don't respond to that or any message like that, as this is a joke.)

My Pain Will Go On

Titanic is a great movie, and it's well done and all, but the people act like it's some huge shock when the boat sinks at the end. I mean, it's called "Titanic". What did you think would happen?

Things You Probably Didn't Know About Warner Brothers

-In the Warner Tower, if you listen closely, you will hear the tortured cries of the Animaniacs.
-Walt Disney's head is in the freezer at the studio.
-The Warner Brothers are actually named Timothy Farfenhunkle and Herb Malkytish, who aren't really brothers.
-Adding on to that last fact, there were supposedly four people that founded the company, but there were only two. The other non-existent two are Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck.
-Friz Freleng is not dead. He is in the studios, writing "Regular Show" scripts.
-Half of the company's fortune was lost in 1963 when they were trying to teach a frog how to sing in a failed attempt to do a Looney Tunes Broadway musical.
-WMG actually stands for "Wanting Monkey Goober".
-Slumdog Millionare was originally called "Slumdog Squarepants".
-A sequel for P.S. I Love You is in the works called, "P.S.S. I Actually Don't".
-In another failed WB-Nickelodeon crossover, the "Happy Happy Joy Joy Feet" CGI-sequel about penguins and idiots was abandoned.
-V For Vendetta is being toned down for kids in the upcoming "C For Cookie".
-Ocean's Eleven was supposed to take place underwater, but Tom Cruise threatened to quit if he needed pumping one more time.
-Pinky and The Brain are now focus groups for movies, though the Humane Society is trying to save them from having to watch another "Hangover" movie.