What We REALLY Searched For Most In 2014

Recently, Google released a video about what we searched for in 2014.
And everything was "hope", "science", "fear", and other cliches. First off, I doubt those were the most-searched things.
Second, what was anyone expecting to find with "hope"? A website that generates hope into your mind or something.
Anyhow, we (read: I) here at ICM Industries (Editor's note: not a real industry) have decided to bring you the REAL top-searched items on Google in 2014...

Deleted Scenes From The Star Wars Trailer

If these make it into the movie, it'll be only slightly better than "The Phantom Menace".

One Final Rob Ford Thought

Well, Rob Ford isn't Toronto mayor anymore, so I guess I'll have to stop making fun of him.
I mean, I have to spoof relevant things, and ever since he quit the race for mayor, no one talks about him anymore.
Like, at all.
Jeez, we have short attention spans.
If you tried a reverse image search of him, he probably wouldn't even come up anymore. That's how much nobody talks about him. And it would probably look like this:

Let's Talk About TMZ

Let's talk about TMZ, shall we?

Basically, the show starts with the host, Harvey, and.....and...taking head #2 blathering about what celebrities they will mock on this ever-so informative program today.

This has already been done much more intellectually with Beavis and Butt-head.

Not pictured: whats-his-name.

We are then exposed to a. Solid. Hour. Of blurry, shaky, fast-paced, inaudible celebrity interviews where they ambush them in various places. I love how they just literally stalk the people they're looking for.

Waiting for Mike Myers to get the runs!

And, of course, lest we forget Harvey and his band o' merry misfits laughing about the plastic surgery on celebrities. Unfortunately, this isn't "The Introduce Pot To Kettle Show".

He said, "laugh", so do it or you get kicked off the show.

They show us what's coming up on the show before commercial breaks. The one thing that actually sounds remotely interesting is the one thing they play at the very end (to keep you watching), and if you're wearing your lucky underpants they'll talk about it for five full seconds.

Who needs to know things that actually matter?

But, above all, the one thing we should talk about is the directing.

As mentioned before, the footage is blurry and shaky. But the one thing that really shows the director's talent is how he always cuts to some random guy in the studio whenever Harvey's talking.

The really interesting thing is nothing you have to say, Harvey.

This is truly a "special" show.

The Problem With Names

Many people hate their names, but I really don't think any of us are permitted to vent about them around Winnie the Pooh.
I mean, seriously, what were they thinking?

"Hmm, yeah, no one'll make fun of this name."

I can only imagine the amount of little kids expecting to read the new Captain Underpants book or something, and found out the story was about this bear.

Actually, I'd read that.

Back From The Dead!

It's been a while, huh?
Anyways, here's the honest reason I took that mega-hiatus: my life has become increasingly more busy. But now, I'm brushing up on my scheduling skills and have an announcement:
I'm Ba-a-ack!
Again.
What, this is like, the fourth time? But it's for real now.
I'll try to give you at LEAST one post per week.
Juuust letting you know.
-Cartoonist Guy

No. REALLY?!

Gee, Mike Tyson came to promote Rob Ford and he caused a CONTROVERSY?!
Wow! Didn't see that one coming.
Okay, we all did. That was like putting mentos in coke.

An Open Letter To Dagwood

Dear Dagwood,
Just a few things.

First off, why is your comic still called "Blondie"? I know it was about her at first, but now the comic's all about you.

And on that note, can you maybe think of a new shtick?
Your sandwich gag was funny the first 1,863 times, but it think it might be losing it's edge.
                                
                                

 

Nobody makes sandwiches that look like this, unless their mouth is the size of Donkey Kong.

Anyways, Dag, I think that's all for now....but I put the main focus on the whole sandwich-joke-thing. Lose that.

Otherwise, thanks for your time!

No, no, wait, just one more small thing: what cruel demon names their child "Dagwood" or "Blondie"?

I'm done now.

Sincerely,

Cartoonist Guy

Ha, ha! Oh, Dagwood, you compulsive overeater!

                               

Donation From The WikiNation

I'm glad that this isn't happening right now.

What's "it", you ask?
Well, if you've ever been on Wikipedia, you've probably seen some message that's just some giant paragraph blathering about money.

Kind of like this one, more or less.

Maybe this doesn't bother you. But it bothers me. Do you know why?

This is annoying.
I mean, it may sound weird, but this is really, really annoying. And I've checked: I'm not the only person who feels this way.
It just pops up out of nowhere and blinds you with it's completely unmatching shade of orange.

I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but, please....
Telemarket.
About the same amount of people will listen anyway.

If You Give A Ford A Mayorship

If you give a Ford a mayorship,
He will want some money.

And if you give that Ford some money,
He will want to fund a football team instead of his town.

And if you give a Ford another chance after that,
He will want some drugs.

And if you give a Ford some drugs,
He will want to hide the evidence.

And if you let the Ford hide the evidence,
He will want to show you the evidence.

And if you let him show you the evidence,
The police won't so he'll make a truckload of phony speeches.

And if you let a Ford make phony speeches,
He will want to make a stupid statement that may or may not involve what he does at his home.

And if you let a Ford make stupid statements,
He will want to drink beer.

And if you give a Ford a beer,
He will go to fast food restaurants and swear like there's no tomorrow.

And if you let a Ford swear in public,
He will want to go to rehab.

And if you give a Ford a rehab vacation,
He will only pretend he's going but actually won't.

And if you wait around for a Ford to do his next dumb move,
He probably will.

Archie DEAD?!

As we all (probably) know, there is an Archie comic called "Life With Archie" that takes place in the future.
And, as we all (still probably) know, he just died in it.
Now, let's take a look at ol' redhead's death, shall we?

The day Big Moose finally snapped. We all knew it was coming.

Archie dies in a noble way, saving his friend senator Kevin Keller from being shot for....let's face it, being a senator.

"You wanna get to Kevin? First you gotta get though me! Wait, you have a gun? Uh, never mind. Sorry, Kevin."

Anyways, it was an interesting publicity stunt, though one I disagree with. Seriously, the comic's called "Archie". 

This might just be me, but I think a key rule in a fictional series is not to KILL THE PERSON IT'S NAMED AFTER.

 

Anyways, another thing that I'd like to point out is this. 

Look at this picture:

                                                     

There are, like, twenty people inside Pop Tate's Chok'lit (chocolate?) Shoppe when this happened.

Archie's killer was one person with a tiny gun.

I think someone would've been able to catch him, instead of just all making the exact same facial expression in unison. I mean, I definitely agree that I would cry my face off if I was one of Archie's friends, but I would've at least TRIED to stop the killer.

All kidding/mocking aside, I think it was a brave decision to kill Archie off, even if I may disagree with it. There are definitely two sides to this issue, the other being Archie Comics getting more publicity. 

And with that point, it definitely worked.

I'm glad they just killed him in the humorless Life With Archie comic as opposed to the slap-happy normal Archie series, because that probably wouldn't have integrated as well in a universe where the biggest problem is this:

Definitely the proper place to have a traumatizing, bloody death.

   

                                   
                                                     

5 Cartoon Characters You Didn't Know Were Parodies

Many iconic cartoon characters have came to be due to other people.

Okay, that makes no sense. What I mean is that lots of characters are actually parodies of other people, fictional or otherwise. Some are obvious (Professor Frink=Jerry Lewis), but some....eh, not so much. Let's count down the five best un-obvious spoof characters!

5) Kenny McCormmick (South Park)

This one is the lowest spot on the list, due to the fact that some may argue he's not a parody. I'll let you decide, though: Trey Parker (co-creator of South Park) had a friend at school named Kenny who was poor, much like his often-dead cartoon namesake. He would also cut classes a lot, which started this rumor between classmates...

Classmate 1: Hey, where's Kenny today?

Classmate 2: They killed Kenny.

Classmate 1: Okey-dokey.

Now, the reaction to their friend's supposed death probably wasn't as casual as I wrote above. Maybe it was followed by, "You @#!$%*&s", as Kyle Broflofski does whenever the running joke this inspired happens in South Park.

Might I note that when Kenny died in almost every episode,everyone wanted him to catch a break, and now that he has for the entirety of season 17, everyone wants the kid dead again. Jerks.

I consider that a parody. You might consider it a "tribute", or a "needlessly cruel mocking", but too bad. It's on this list.

4) Fred Flintstone (The Flintstones)

                                                       

Fred's still kinda low on this list, as most of you reading know that he's a parody of Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners.

Still, it may surprise you that this will be news to a lot of people who read this.

Anyways, I won't go too much into this, because the similarities are pretty obvious.

Though I don't recall Fred ever threatening to punch his wife in the face "one of these days".

3) Charles Montgomery Burns (The Simpsons)

                                                                

On The Simpsons, parody characters aren't unusual (Rainer Wolfcastle is Arnold Schwarzenegger, Itchy and Scratchy are Herman and Katnip, Professor Frink is the Nutty Professor, Chief Wiggum's voice, but not the actual character, is a spoof of Edward G. Robinson, etc.)
Mr Burns here is sort of a strange parody, because he's 90% his own original character. So then why's he on this list? Because I'm stupid. 

Also, because he's also a parody of a bunch of different people.

Though Mr Burns is definitely an original toon, this "exxxxcellent" tycoon was derived from spoofs of: Fredrik Olsen, John D. Rockefeller, David Rockefeller, Henry Potter (no, not Harry, Henry), the founder of FOX Barry Diller (no, The Simpsons won't ever give FOX a break, hopefully), and "every boss you've ever had", according to one of the show's producers (I think it was either James L. Brooks or Sam Simon, but I forget).

2) Inspector Gadget (Anderson Cooper 360. Just kidding, Inspector Gadget)

                                             

The initial idea for Inspector gadget was, "What if we combined Inspector Clouseau and the Six-Million Dollar Man?" (And please don't try picturing that.) What they got was Gadget, the man with the longest face in the world.

When you think about it, it's actually pretty obvious! I mean, the clumsiness with all of the machinery.

Wait, is that arm coming out of his.....head? Ouch.

And now, ladies and gentlemen and otherwise, the winner is......

1) Wil E. Coyote and The Roadrunner (Looney Tunes)

                                        

Wait, WHAT?!

Yes, it's true, two of the most monumental cartoon characters of all time were spoofs. Of what, you ask?

Tom and Jerry.

Well, mostly Tom and Jerry, but the cat-and-mouse cartoon style in general. They were just supposed to be a Tom and Jerry cartoon taken to the extremes and were meant as just a one-off parody.

That's all for today! I'll try to have another list and some more Jokemon (see previous post) up soon!

Jokemon: Vladmir Putinachu

Okay, okay, I'm well aware that my hiatus from ICM was FAR too long, but I needed some more material. And yeah, I've said that about 4,000,000 times (give or take), but I'm actually back now!

Please trust me.

Anyways, I keep asking for your trust and letting you down like that by going on hiatuses, but it reminded me of the other people in the world who keep asking for trust and letting us down: politicians! 

I present to you: Jokemon!

(I'm gonna do a bunch of these, so just wait a bit.)

After Maleficient...

So I guess Disney is gonna start making extremely dark spinoffs of children's movies.

Maybe this is next:

"I am the captain now."

Fordorama

Rob Ford was recently discovered shopping at Bracebridge when he was supposed to be in rehab. My theory is this:

I guess it makes the most sense that Ford was cryogenically frozen from a long time ago, and now he has no idea how to follow the rules in this strange new universe, where when you're sentenced to rehab, you ACTUALLY GO THERE.

Oh, well. There's always next time.

And there will be a next time.

SE-QUEL.SE-QUEL.SE-QUEL.

I'm gonna return with new posts next month, just been having as light WiFi problem at home lately.

Anyways...

A ROGER RABBIT SEQUEL IS DUE TO COME OUT NEXT YEAR!!!!

Yes, that's right, the best movie ever is hitting the big screen again, sadly without Bob Hoskins, RIP.

I know nothing about it yet, so more details as they come.

Anyways, see you on a regular blogging schedule in June.

Some Cromulent Simpsons Stuff

In ICM, I'm gonna start doing reviews of some nostalgic toon stuff!

To start out, let's begin with some early-2000s (dear God, that was long ago now) Simpsons mercy that I acquired at a collectible a show today!

Most of this stuff centres around the Treehouse If Horror.

Here's all the stuff I bought today. I took some photos of it with my older Simp-stuff...

Look out, Bart! 

Marge runs off wi King Kong Homer. Naturally, Homer is surprised.

Some scientists/a doctor meddle in God's domain with Frink turning invisible by Glayvin, Burns performing a brain transplant, and Hibbert being...creepy. Ew.

For some reason, the zombified Springfield Elementary staff amused me. Heh, heh, I am so messed up.

A clown vampire and an elderly vampire. For some reason, I think Twilight would be better with them in it. Or if it was never made.

Two booze hounds, side by side.

"We've got to do the Jiminy Jillickers scene again, Milhouse."

And my own attempt at a couch gag. 

I'll be back with more nostalgic cartoon stuff soon! Hopefully, I can find some stupid effect an mock it.

An Open Letter To Nickelodeon

Dear Nickelodeon,

In the 1990s, you were possibly the greatest TV station ever, with Ren And Stimpy, Rocko's Modern Life, and more.

Nowadays, your cartoons insult the intelligence of everybody, and your sitcoms make me weep.

Did you suffer brain damage in about 2006? It sure seems that way.

-Cartoonist Guy

What Is It With Hanna-Barbera? (Seriously)

A while ago, I posted some chart about how the majority of Hanna-Barbera characters wear similar clothing, but now I noticed something with their names.

Am I the only person who thinks "Scooby Dooby Doo" sounds like "Yabba Dabba Doo"?

Hmmm, I may have to look into that.

Back To The 80s: Tracey Ullman Simpsons

The Simpsons is my favorite TV show, and I can't be the only person who says this.\Of course, they had their humble beginnings, which were more humble than I care to admit.
First off, the family looks.....different.
Seriously.
They were originally in short animation bumpers on the Tracey Ullman Show.
I actually had nightmares the first time I saw the Tracey Ullman-style Simpsons. Brace yourself:

When a Sea Monkey jumps in yellow food coloring, you get this.

Anyways, I remember enjoying these when I was younger, but looking back on them, what the heck did I just watch? The humor was....weird, and the animation was surreal. It was very crude, and the voices were raspy. Like Imagine Yoda doing Marge's voice.
Aside from that, I'm glad the show evolved into what it did, and that they still don't look like demons.

Above is one of these shorts. I have no idea why whoever uploaded it called Bart "Barrel", so don't ask me.

Thw Wickedly Untalented John Travolta

I wonder if someone named Adele Dazeem was in the audience of the 2014 Oscars and was all, "Hey, it's my big chance!"

Did Dan Quayle Or Homer Simpson Say It?

These Americans have said the dumbest things! Guess who said what with ICM's, "Did Dan Quayle Or Homer Simpson Say It"?:

1) "I have made good decisions in the future."
2)"Oh! So they have internet on computers now!"
3)"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson here is never try."
4)"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
5)"Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night."
6)"We are ready for any unforseen event that may or may not occur."
7)"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
8)"I stand by all the misstatements I made."
9)"If they think I'm going to stop at a stop sign, they're sadly mistaken."
10) "D'oh!" (If you don't get this one, you'll make Dan Quayle look smarter than you.)

QUAYLE: 1, 4, 6, 7, 8,
SIMPSON: 2, 3, 5, 9, 10

Cartoon Fanart Reviews

And now, I will review the darkest place on the internet:
FANFICTION. (Dunh dun dunhhhhhh...)

Archie, you never told me you were into....animals.....yeah, next fanart, please.

This is from the infamous Simpsons episode where Bart says, "Aye, Carumba, what in God's name happened to my face"? This is the Treehouse Of Horror's nightmare.

"You know what they call a...a....a blockhead with a round head in Paris?"

One of their rejected cutaway jokes, I'm guessing?

AAAAARGH!!! SHOOT IT!!! IT'S A DEMON!!!!! GET IT'S SPINACH, THAT'S WHERE IT'S POWERS COME FROM!!!!

Tragically, these bullet holes came from when Scooby was shot by old man Zimmer after he could've gotten away with it if it weren't for him.

Mark Zuckerburg's Guide To Success

I recently watched The Social Network and got the idea for this...