Monday, December 24, 2012

My Strange Tradition

Yesterday I was listening to Talk Radio (I was bored), and people were calling in to talk about their Christmas traditions. I thought it would be a nice, heartwarming thing, but guess what?
I heard at least twenty bizarre traditions, but this one stood out to me the most (and I swear someone said this, word for word):
Caller: "We would leave our shoes next to the Christmas tree, and our gifts would be placed in them. We'd get bread, but if we were bad, we'd get coal. When I was older, my daughter was born December 29th. Every Christmas morning, she'd wake up and sing happy birthday to baby Uis."
Radio Host: "Who's baby Uis?"
Caller: "Thanks for listening to my tradition." (hangs up.)
Again, this was real. So, I thought: HEY! Why don't I do something like that? Here we go with.....

Inside A Cartoonist's Mind's Talk Radio: Traditions

Inside A Cartoonist's Mind: Hey, world! People are calling in with their rituals. Oh, look, a caller!
Caller: Hello? I have a tradition:
ICM: Okay, let's hear it.
C: Well, every christmas I watch the fifteenth episode of Jerry Springer and stick oranges down my pants.
ICM: What?
C: You heard me. I invite my family over, and they bring the koala bear-
ICM: A koala? Is that the family pet?
C: No, it's dinner. We all stuff oranges down our pants, except for uncle Kermit. He always insists on stuffing a GRAPEFRUIT down his pants! Can you believe it?
ICM: The family weirdo, huh?
C: You bet! While the koala is cooking, we all join hands and sing a heart-wrenching reprise of "Smile, Darn Ya, Smile".
ICM: Isn't that the song from the old Looney Tunes cartoon?....and then they used it again in Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
C: Yep.
ICM: And just HOW is that heart-wrenching?
C: It's tough to explain.
ICM: I see.
C: Yeah, and that's my tradition! Bye. (hangs up.)
ICM: Uh, yeah. Ooooooooooookay, that was odd. Oh, wait, we have another caller. Hello?
C: Hello?
ICM: Hi, what's your tradition?
C: I get visited by three ghosts every year.
ICM: Oh, really, Mr. Dickens?
C: Yes. There names are Casper, Fredrick, and Maharumpafahliherhalinnkydinkyparlezvousmadeowoodh. (hangs up.)
ICM: Starnge. Whaddya know, ANOTHER caller.
C: Hello?
ICM: Hi, what's your tradition?
C: You see, I slap twenty-five llamas as they bring me vermillion purple crayons. They can't be JUST purple, but VERMILLION purple. And-oh, wait, that isn't my Christmas tradition!
ICM: It isn't? *cough-finallyasaneperson-cough*
C: No, that's my Kwanzaa tradition! Sorry! Bye. (hangs up.)
ICM: Uh, and that concludes our tradition broadcasting.