Thursday, December 13, 2012

Worse Than The National Inquirer

The National Inquirer is a magazine that lies about celebrities, photoshops pictures of them to make it look true, the reports about three Bigfoot sightings an issue.
Then I thought: hey, the world's gullible!
I'm publishing my OWN celebrity lies magazine:

The National Exclaimer

Issue One
Cost: Overpriced

Two Useless Articles About Hair

-Justin Bieber had his hair cut due to the fact that it was making him 20 pounds overweight.
-Will Smith is in the hospital. His daughter, Willow, accidentally whipped him with her hair.

Elvis Lives In A House

Three children have spotted Elvis roaming their house. The children's names are Billy, Dolly, Jeffy, and PJ. When we interviewed them, Billy (the eldest) claimed, "He's just doin' what he did wh'never he was 'live! He sings and moves his pelvis......r'peatedly!" These children have also reported seeing the ghosts of Not Me and Ida No.

Blanket Jackson's Real Name Revealed

Supposedly Micheal Jackson's son, Blanket, has a different real name than we thought. First off, this is an improvement, because the name "Blanket" technically guarantees years of therapy. When we questioned one of Micheal Jackson's wives (lord knows which one), she claimed his real name is "Linus".

Dr. Seuss's Dirty Secret

Ted Giesel, better known as Dr. Seuss, never actually EARNED all of his profits. After violating his family's privacy and raiding his old house, he had a money-printing machine. It was lumpy and orange with a few gloved arms sticking out of it and he called it the "Monebufalator".