Friday, December 27, 2013

Back From The Holidays

I'm back from my holiday vacation!
Next week, I will be posting a top 10 list, so stay tuned!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Comparing Qualities: Bugs Bunny VS Mickey Mouse



Here is our first Comparing Qualities! Today, I take on a hard subject: Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny? I mean, honestly, how can I.....

5 HOURS LATER:
...okay, now that I'm done crying, let's start. Here are our competitiors:


In this corner, Bugs! The wise-cracking, hilarious rabbit (or "wabbit" if you will) is up against some stiff competition---Mickey Mouse! The kind, rodent who will kick some serious butt with his big shoes.
Let's begin:

DEBUT:

Mickey: "Steamboat Willie".
Bugs: "A Wild Hare".
As much as I love Bugs, I gotta give the point to Mickey. I love Steamboat Willie, with the animals as instruments....wait, I should call the ASPCA. Mickey, you cruel, cruel, sunnuva....
POINT: Mickey Mouse

PERSONALITY

Ahhh, Bugs. You can think of a one-liner on the spot, come up with a good punishment for a jerk, and chew a carrot with finesse. Mickey, you're funny, but you're more a different kind of funny. And the way you laugh in every sentence scares me.
POINT: Bugs Bunny

FRIENDS

Mickey: Donald Duck, Goofy
Bugs: Daffy Duck, Porky Pig
Oh, God, don't make me choose between these people. Daffy and Donald, you're both awesome, but if I HAVE to choose, one of them is 1% funnier....
POINT: Bugs Bunny

OUTFIT

For God's sake, put on some clothes, Bugs!
POINT: Mickey Mouse (because of his awesome old Toon outfit.)

VOICE

Mel Blanc, the KING of cartoon voices, made this voice. Walt Disney is better at making great characters.
POINT: Bugs Bunny

And the winner is....
BUGS BUNNY! (By one point.)







Saturday, November 16, 2013

Announcing Comparing Qualities!

Hey hey hey! It's me, Cartoonist Guy. I know I haven't posted for a while, and I know that I keep promising to post more, but my main problem is ideas.
What does that mean?
It means that I haven't been able to come up with good ideas and I kept promising more ideas when I had none.
Well, I have a fresh slaughterhouse---uh, onslaught of new ideas! Starting with this new blog series I like to call (well, I do call) Comparing Qualities! I take two subjects and compare 'me to see who wins. 
The first Comparing Qualities will be posted tomorrow, so stay tuned!

Thursday, October 24, 2013

You're A Weird One, Mr. Grinch

I love "How The Grinch Stole Christmas", but do you know what I don't get about the story?
The part where the Grinch's heart grows three sizes (which, if you ask me, is a whole 'nother story) because he hears the Whos singing. Wasn't the fact that they sing every Christmas what made him so angry in the first place?

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Welcome To ICM's First Crummy-Con

Hey there, it's Cartoonist Guy! For everyone, I decided to host a convention for people like me. And by people like me, I don't mean something like a bunch of my clones at a convention. That happens in Decem--I mean, nothing. If you missed it, I'm sorry. But you can virtually be there, as I posted a few pictures of the highlights of...

ICM's First Annual Crummy-Con In 2013



This one was from the brawl between Obama and Snoopy. It was pretty intense, but after a few bouncers came, all was good. Except one of the bouncers died in the process of splitting them up. RIP, Morry Herdsan, beloved bouncer.

Some of the guests arrive on the scene. Sonic couldn't wait to get in, as evidenced by him running into the centre. He knocked Ren over a few seconds later, but all was good.

The sign for the convention hall. I spent most of the time in Hall 4. Oddly enough, the sign didn't lie: there was nothing there. Of course, it was still better than my convention.

When Alfred E. Neuman gives a speech, he really gives a speech. The entire audience went into hysterics, and that includes Spongebob and Beetle.
See ya at the next convention!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

ICM Game: Guess The Theme Song!

Time for a game before my next movie review! Guess the show based on the lyrics from the theme song! (If I put a _______, that means it says the name of the show.)

1) Lucky theres a __________,
Lucy there's a man who
Positively can do
All the things that make us laugh and cry!
He's...our....__________!
2) If you feel like a laugh
Give us a call, we'll give you a LOL and
When you feel like a song
Tune into us and sing right along
3) This is the story about a guy named Al
Who lived in a sewer with his hamster, Pal
4) Every day when you're walking down the street
Everybody that you meet
Has a different point of view
And I said, "Hey!"
What a wonderful kind of day
When you get to work and play
And get along with each other
5) Life is like a hurricane, here in DuckBurg
Racecars, lasers, airplanes, it's a duck-blur
So let's solve a mystery
Or rewrite history
_____________! Woo-hoo!
6) Come and join the Warner Brothers (and the Warner sister, Dot)
Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot
They lock us in the tower, whenever we get caught
But we break loose and then vamoose and now you know the plot
7) Math, science, history
Unraveling the mystery
That all started with the ________
8) Drive down, meet the family down the street
Through the courtesy of Fred's two feet
When you're with ____________,
You'll have a Yabba-Dabba-Doo time,
You'll have a gay old time!
9) Going down to ________, going to leave my woes behind,
Ample parking day and night, people spouting, "Howdy neighbour!"


ANSWERS: No cheating:
1) Family Guy 2) Alvin And The Chipmunks 3) The Weird Al Show 4) Arthur 5) DuckTales
6) Animaniacs 7) The Big Bang Theory 8) The Flintstones (apparently "gay" means happy) 9) South Park

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Despicable Me Two-View

I will be reviewing the rest of the movies from summer soon! But first......

Despicable Me Two (2013)

Is it possible for a sequel to be better than the first? This one was!

Plot: Indescribable. It's more the visual stuff that makes this movie, so you'd have to watch it to fully understand this. Go see it. (Although, it isn't as good as Roger Rabbit, that goes without saying.) But here's what I WILL give you: Gru and his minions are hired to join an anti-villains league, to uncover who a secret villain is. He is paired up with a not-very-serious female secret agent.

Rating: Ten stars (out of a possible ten). Superb!

Recommended For: Fans of the first movie, or people who want to see a GOOD Dreamworks movie since the abomination called "The Croods" and the Pixar-Ripoff "Turbo".

You'll Love It If: You like the Minions. Let's face it, the Minions are the best part of these movies.

NEXT REVIEW: Smurfs Two! (Cue foreboding sounds...)

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

It's My Birthday!

It's my birthday! Not much to post today, just a sneak peek of tomorrow:
COMING NEXT: Review of Despicable Me Two!

Monday, September 23, 2013

Review, Duuuude

Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

Plot: The original Beavis and Butt-Head are failing school, although UNLIKE Beavis and Butt-Head, they're doing their hardest and don't want to flunk out. their teachers tells them if they manage to get an A on the next history report, he'll pass them.They get a time-machine and go back in time to certain events to learn about them. They bring back some historical figures (Abe Lincoln, Socrates, etc.) to help teach them about history. Meanwhile, one of their dads (I forgot which is which) wants t send them to military school unless they pass the test. All the historical figures get arrested for being weird in public, something that should have happened to Toronto mayor Rob Ford a while ago, so Bill-Vis and Butt-Ted (Ha ha! Anyone? Never mind.) break them out. They then give their presentation (which they somehow manged to get together in 20 seconds, but I won't question that) and get an A. They then start a band with girls from the past and become famous in the future! No, this sin't a Disney movie.

Rating: Nine stars (out of a possible ten). Great comedy, but a few plotholes.

Recommended For: Comedy fans! This is the original "Grown-Ups".

You'll Love It If: You want to see one of the original buddy comedies.

Sunday, September 22, 2013

My Reviews Will Go On

I disappeared for a while. (Or seven days, whatever.)
Why? Because I promised epic movie reviews, (although not of the movies "Epic Movie" and "Epic"...) and it took me a while to think of what to write for each, but they're starting NOW.
THIS.
IS......

Titanic (1997)

Plot: A boat sinks. Didn't we all know this?

Deeper Into The Plot: You will see naked people, death, people jumping off boats into a bigger boat, and screaming! It starts out when Jack Dawson, a "traveler" (I call them "hobos"), wins two tickets to the Titanic for him and his friend Fabio (who I called "Super Mario"). The guy he wins them from really dodged a bullet. Unfortunately, his tickets are in the third-class level, which is technically a sewer. He meets Rose, who came on this cruise with her mom, the rich jerk she's getting forced to marry, and Molly Brown, who MAD Magazine described as "so fat, she's the standby anchor for the colossal ship".
Rose is about to commit suicide by jumping off the boat. You'd really think the security would notice her doing that, but you'd be wrong! Jack saves her, love scene, but the security and obnoxious guy-to-marry rush in (oh, sure, NOW they notice!) and think Jack is trying to murder Rose. Rose vouches for him, and he gets invited to dinner with her. He then invites HER to dinner, then shows her his sketchbook, full of naked people.

Rose asks Jack to draw her like "one of his French girls", but instead of putting a beret on her and making her eating croissants (sorry French people. I'm part-French, so I thought it might be okay), he draws her naked! The jerk-to-marry person is jealous of Jack, so he steals Rose's necklace, a prized possession, which Jack drew her wearing in the "French" picture, and places it in Jack's pocket. He gets framed. The ship starts to sink, and the third-class people are trapped because the crew are an army of butts.
Rose escapes onto a lifeboat with her mom, Molly Brown, and Marriage-Jerk, but jumps off to save Jack.


But hey, this movie has been really amazing so far. No plotholes, except for this one: When Jack and Rose are floating in the water, Rose gets up on a piece of Debris. Safe! But then Jack doesn't and dies (spoiler), even though he easily could have fit on the debris, too. I dunno, were they making it more tragic?
Rose is saved and brought home. Years later, a crew of workers find Jack's "French" drawing on the sunken Titanic, and Rose gets called in to tell the entire story, which I just told you.

The only way she can prove that she's the girl in the drawing is with her necklace, which she has. (She got it back after being stolen.) Then when she's alone, Rose drowns her necklace by throwing it into the sea without telling anyone, where it will rust and decompose, as it is THE LAST PIECE OF EVIDENCE ABOUT THE TITANIC ASIDE FROM THE ACTUAL DROWNED SHIP. She then dies in her sleep.
And they all live happily ever after! No, wait, they're all dead.

Rating: Ten stars (out of a possible ten). It's not the genre I'm used to (I'm a comedy guy), but this was a great movie aside from the aforementioned one plothole.

Recommended For: Someone learning about the Titanic.

You'll Like It If: You're patient. This is three hours long!
New review coming soon!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Future Google Glass Review We Might See

By Bob Bobberson, Tech Journalist
(It was really by Cartoonist Guy.)

Google has released their new product, Google Glass, or "Google Glass" for short. Yet again, another ripoff of the iPhone by Google, but this time it won't be ignored. That's right, not only does it block your line of vision, but it also permanently latches on to your head, and if you try to remove it, it injects arsenic into your brain.
A big worry about Google Glass was driving with it, as people would think it would block your line of vision and you'd hit about five dogs. I can stop these rumors in their tracks, I only hit two.
It has some bugs in the voice recognition software, but I assume an update is coming shortly. Here was a conversation I had with my Google Glass:
Me: Glass, text Timothy "I will be home in five minutes."
Glass: Okay, I have texted Timothy, "I hate you. Go die in a hole, you worthless butt."
Timothy hasn't ever responded.
Then, there's the price. It's kind of expensive at $1,400, but it's a good investment, except with the glass poking your eye all the time.
You know, what? I'm taking my Glass off....wait, NO! NOT THE ARSENIC! ARRRRGHH...

Monday, September 2, 2013

The Scale Of Idiotic Toon Offenses

The same people who thought it was a good idea to show Beavis And Butt-head and Family Guy to preschoolers and complain have been complaining that Spongebob makes preschoolers extremely hyper.
That's dumb. Spongebob isn't meant for preschoolers in the first place! Why are you showing your kids that? Wait until they're, like, seven at least. But....this isn't the first time this has happened! No, parent shave been goofing up and complaining since the '90's.....
Let's look over the list of complains towards cartoons from preschooler parents who shouldn't be showing preschoolers cartoons anyway, shall we?


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Things Cartoon Fans Should Avoid

I am the world's biggest cartoon fan, and I caution you other fans to steer clear of these. Well, too late now, but whatever.

Pictures Of Cartoons In Real Life.

Like these, below. They are quite unpleasant.


agentp 470x531 33 Untooned Cartoon Characters
bugsbunny 470x613 33 Untooned Cartoon Characters
This makes me think Bugs Bunny will be waiting for me the next time I mail a letter.
butthead 470x819 33 Untooned Cartoon Characters
charliebrown 470x646 33 Untooned Cartoon Characters
Good grief........

Cartoon "Theories".

These just ruin all cartoons. I choose not to believe them for the sake of my childhood.

Pictures Of Invader Zim Where He's Drawn In Anime Form.

 

These commonly lead to fanfiction, and fanfiction commonly leads to disturbance.

And now that I've ruined your cartoon-viewing pleasure, just forget this article like I will and remain happy!
Wait, what article?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Top 10 Cartoons Of The 90's

Here is my personal list of my favorite 1990's cartoons! I have a few rules, though:
-It HAS to be started in the '90's. Nothing that started in 1989 and got more popular, as that will be on my '80's list.
-Please don't get mad because there is no anime. I really don't want comments like, "Come on! How could you not mention 'Shinekewakkosakblak: Advanced Battle'?!"

Here goes:

10) Bobby's World

I really don't think anyone on the face of Earth still remembers this one, but it was a Howie ManDel cartoon. There isn't really much to say about it besides how much it reminds me of Calvin And Hobbes. Maybe that's why I like it...

9) Dexter's Laboratory

There is only one question I have about this show: why does Dexter have a Russian accent and no one else in his family does?

8) Beavis And Butt-Head

I really hate cartoons that make kids grow up (hint, hint RUGRATS: ALL GROWN UP...), so this cartoon never had their protagonists grow up. I guess that the number one priority in this show was to keep ol' Beavis and Butt-Head immature.
Huh huh, "number one" priority....

7) Rugrats

Despite the aforementioned abomination where they make the characters older, Rugrats is a great show with enough diaper jokes to wrap Earth in. Twice. Times two.

 

6) Rocko's Modern Life

The "original" Spongebob Squarepants. This edgy show is visually similar to Ren And Stimpy. It;s kind of hard to explain this show, so here's the IMDB page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106115/

5) Spongebob Squarepants

Ohhhhhh......who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Okay, we all know that theme song, and this show has gained a cult following, though the protagonist is a little similar to Stimpy and his friends remind me of the Rocko's Modern Life cast...

4) Hey, Arnold!

This show was inspired by Peanuts, the greatest comic strip ever, so you know this Nicktoon will be great. Just an observation: it must have been a pain to give birth to this football-headed kid.

3) Pinky And The Brain

Gee, Brain,  what do you want to do tonight? How about watch Pinky And The Brain? The theme song explains the entire premise of this Animaniacs derivative:

2) Animaniacs

This was a great show! Yakko, Wakko, and Dot made the show great, but I also enjoyed Pinky And The Brain, Slappy Squirrel, Rita And Runt, Goodfeathers, and Chicken-Boo's sketches. I did NOT enjoy The Hip Hippos, Minerva Mink, and Katie Ka-Boom's segments. (Well, maybe if they were shorter I'd like them.) I'm undecided on Buttons And Mindy.
 

1) The Ren And Stimpy Show

This was also probably the edgiest cartoon ever. Even more than Family Guy, more than South Park....Ren And Stimpy has a cult following, and it deserves a reboot.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Toilet #:02

Every time I'm in a bathroom at a bookstore/restaurant, I see that whoever has inspected it for health wrote their name and what time they inspected it on a clipboard.
What if a guy named John inspected it at 3:16 PM?

Saturday, August 17, 2013

ICM's Health Tips

Hey, there, it's Cartoonist Guy! That's right, I'm back after a hiatus of a week or two. It would have only been a few days hiatus, because I actually posted something I made on glassgiant.com, but I guess it didn't save properly, so everything in that post just said, "Visit Glass Giant.com!" (And it wasn't that funny in the first place.)
Anyways, I was thinking: what could I do to apologize to everyone for taking huge breaks, then promising I'll be back, then breaking again? Well, first off, I actually promise I'll post more frequently now (I was on vacation this week), and, I'll give you a preview of what's to come....
I've seen a lot of movies this summer:
-Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure
-Zoolander
-Nacho Libre
-Smurfs Two
-Despicable Me Two
-Are We There Yet?
-Are We Done Yet?
-Napoleon Dynamite
...with more to come! So, to finish off this hiatus-ed summer, a post with reviews of ALL THOSE MOVIES PLUS MORE will be done. (Also, I find I get more blog ideas during the school year, so more ideas will come!) But for today, I want to reward you readers by making you healthier with...

ICM's Health Tips: By Cartoonist Guy

-When puking, always look at your puke. You'll puke more!
-Next time you order at McDonald's, refrain from asking to add two patties to your Big Mac.
-Twenty-Four Words: Lock Yourself in a room with only water but no food for ten days, as that's as long as you can survive without food.
-Try to actually WIN Monopoly, and by the time you do that, you should be thinner. (You should also be three years older.)
-When eating at a restaurant with "F" as it's food grade, refrain from eating off of the floor, even though this may be your only food source there.
-Walk through Jack-In-The-Box's drive thru when ordering a Triple-Cheese-Quarter-Pounder-With-Extra-Mayonnaise-And-Hot-Sauce-Oh,-And-Can-I-Get-Fries-With-That?

Hope that helps! Mmmm, Triple-Cheese-Quarter-Pounder-With-Extra-Mayonnaise-And-Hot-Sauce-Oh,-And-Can-I-Get-Fries-With-That?s taste great.....

Monday, August 5, 2013

Attackin' Mac An' Me

Mac And Me (1988)

What do you get when you take a roll of toilet paper, a pencil sharpener, and a Minute Maid juice box and scatter them around? The objects around my desk as I type on the computer about the monstrosity known as Mac And Me.
Well, scratch that. It's not known at all. This movie bombed. It was a ripoff of ET, which I don't mention much in my plot recap, but just watch it. You'll figure it out.
This bomb-ahrea was heavily endorsed by McDonald's. Keep note of that when I recap the plot.

Rating: One star (out of a possible ten).

Plot: Well, I would like to stare, before I begin, that in the trailer for Mac And Me, there is a scene where a grocery store explodes. In the actual movie, the grocery store just randomly explodes. I think they were just trying to gain an audience there, don't you?
So, this family consists of a mom who is incredibly rich. What's her job? A greeter at "Sears". There's a boy in a wheelchair named Eric, who is obviously trying not to laugh during each line. He's probably all, "Good lord, this movie sucks" in his mind. Then, there's the older brother, Michael. They have all moved to California, where they meet this little girl who says that she's trying to talk to the Earth demons or whatever. This doesn't play into the movie (nothing in this abomination does), but I just wanted to put that there for it's creepiness. Eric falls of a cliff after deciding to roll his wheelchair right up against the edge, because he wants a good view. (Also, he's pretty smart.) He is rescued by an alien that's pretty much a hand puppet of Gollum who speaks like R2-D2 that only him and the girl see. They call him "Mysterious Alien Creature", or "MAC" for short. Remember, this film is endorsed by McDonald's, so I wonder where they got the name from?
When Eric is recuperating in his room, the girl comes in and they talk about junk, much like this movie. Then, some random woman in a McDonald's outfit (of course) comes into his house and asks, "May I come in"?
"Yes, random McDonald's employee, make yourself at home!"
She's the girl's sister, and then the girl invites Eric to her friend's birthday party (yes, some OTHER random person's party) at.....guess where?
McDONALD'S.
So, they go to McDonald's, with Mac disguised as a teddy bear who dances, which is appropriate, as there is A FIVE-MINUTE DANCE SEQUENCE AT THE WORLD'S LARGEST McDONALD'S.
(Also, when Eric gets a drink, it falls off the table, and the girl picks it up. Try to spot it;he's holding a teddy bear if that helps.)
So, after that, the CIA randomly decides to follow Eric, in a horrible car chase scene that I won't post, but I will mention this: the CIA is chasing using their feet, and a few cars get thrown off by them. Okay, I guess. THEN, this red car in a completely different LANE just randomly drives right up to the CIA people then screeches on the brakes and honks like it's their fault. Jerks.
Eric goes out to the desert to track down Mac's family and finds they're all dead.
The end! Yaaaaaaaaaaay!
Sadly, it doesn't end like that. Eric uses Coke, the drink endorsed by McDonald's at the time, to revive their family, then they blow up the grocery store and what-have-you, then America realizes Mac and company are harmless and ends the movie with a sequence of them become full-fledged American citizens
Heartwarming, no?
No. Moronic.

Recommended For: People who like bad movies.

You'll Like It If: You won't like it. Not even if you're a masochist.

More on this movie: Wikipedia Page: //en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mac_and_Me

Sunday, August 4, 2013

I've Had All I Can Stands, And I Can't Stands No More

















This was a mural painted at a diner I went to. A few problems:
-"Good Friends"? Isn't Bluto (the guy on the right) supposed to be Popeye's foe?
-Look carefully at Olive Oyl (the girl in the middle). If you look at her legs, she is floating off of the ground.
Tomorrow on ICM: A devastating look at Mac And Me, the horrible ripoff of E.T endorsed by McDonald's! Stay tuned!

Wednesday, July 31, 2013

A Few Facts You May Not Have Known About Animaniacs

1) The only one of the Warners that has established their age is Wakko, who states that he is seven years old.
2) As of 2013, Yakko, Wakko, and Dot have been in the cartoon biz for 85 years, though they don't physically/mentally age.
3) The first Animaniacs cartoon was called, "I'm Mad".
It was released as a short in theaters for a pre-cartoon (y'know, how Pixar shows a cartoon before the movie), and the entire Animaniacs series was originally intended to be these types of shorts.
4) There were originally four Warner siblings named Yakky, Wakky, Smakky, and Dot.
5) Pinky and The Brain don't live in Acme Labs anymore. They live with Almyra (of Tiny Toons), as of another series called, "Almyra, Pinky, And The Brain". In Tiny Toons Spring Break special, Pinky and The Brain were seen in Almyr's room, though, and that pre-dated the spin-off.
6) "Faboo" is supposed to be short for "fabulous".

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The ICM Dimension Chart

Sorry for not posting regularly in a while! I was stumped. But, anyways, I'm back with an onslaught of daily ideas! Like my dimension chart:

ICM's Dimension Chart

1D: A movie character who only does one thing, repeatedly.
2D: When you see a movie that is flat.
3D: When you see a movie, and the characters jump out at you.
4D: When you see a movie, and the characters jump out at you and you can feel/smell what the character is feeling/smelling.
7D: A brand of dried mangos.
What the heck happened during 5D and 6D?

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Unsinkable?

I really don't get why Molly Brown was called "unsinkable". All she did was propose that they saved the people.
Maybe if a continent was blowing up and I stood by and watched, the I said, "Y'know, someone should do something," they would make a documentary about me.
Just kidding! Please, no one take offense in this. I was just joking.

Monday, July 8, 2013

4000 Pageviews And M&Ms!

Surprisingly, I have over 4000 pageviews now! Yay me!
Also, I was thinking: there's a new M&M ad campaign where it shows the Red M&M escaping being eaten, and it made me think: every time I eat M&Ms, am I killing someone? My God.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

What Is My Favorite Line From A Comic?

My favorite comic may be Penuts and my favorite cartoonist may be the great Charles Schulz....okay, here's a chart:

FAVORITE COMICS:
1) Peanuts
2) Garfield
3) A tie between Pearls Before Swine, Foxtrot, and Calvin And Hobbes

But my favorite LINE from a comic is from a Pearls Before Swine comic. It's Larry (the father crocodile)'s line in panel three:












There you go! All credit goes to Stephan Pastis.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Shakespeare For The Masses For The Masses

Hey-ooo! It's been quite a while since I posted, so I'm making up for it with a larger post. Have you ever heard of Shakespeare For The Masses?
It's technically translating Shakespeare, so he doesn't sound like Thor beating his face against an oar.
Above is a Pearls Before Swine comic explaining it. But I've decided to bring out Shakespeare For The Masses For The Masses. It's a more...modern...version.
I will display each Shakespeare line as it originally was, then do my own version. Enjoy!:
 "This above all: to thine own self be true". - Hamlet (Act I, Scene III).
"You can't pull a Barry Bonds anymore, people."
"The course of true love never did run smooth". - (Act I, Scene I). 
"I mean, come on, look at all the royal weddings, dude."
"I ’ll put a girdle round about the earth In forty minutes." Quote  Act II. Scene. 1 
"Put the Depends n the fat, old woman in forty minutes."
"Tempt not a desperate man" Romeo and Juliet Quote  (Act V, Sc. III).   
"Let's get drunk and then register to be on The Bachelor!"
Is Shakespeare clear now? 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

A Guide To Archie Comics

Series: Archie
Ranking: Very good
Description: A comic book based on "America's typical teenager", Archie, who...isn't....typical. Still, it's a great series!

Series: Sonic The Hedgehog
Ranking: Very good
Description: Following the adventures of video game superstar, Sonic. I subscribe to this one. FUN FACT: in a fan art drawing, the printing made the fan's caption hard to see. If you look closely, the caption was Sonic saying, "I'd like to see Mario do that".

Series: Mega Man
Ranking: Very good
Description: I haven't read much of this, but it looks great. Also, Mega Man sounds like what you would call a fat guy waddling down the street.

Series: Li'l Jinx
Ranking: Great
Description: Not as good as the aforementioned series, but still pretty decent.

Series: Cosmo The Merry Martian
Ranking: N/A
Description: I've never read this, but maybe the martian is merry from drinking too many cosmos. Heh.

Series: Pat The Brat
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: Can you say, "Dennis The Menace plagarism"? Only, Dennis The Menace is funny. This is sad.

Series: Super Duck
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: Hmmm, where have I seen THIS before? In the book "The Best Of Archie Comics", someone said that Donald Duck is for younger kids and Super Duck is for older kids, but I think the person I quote just pitied the series. This is a TOTAL RIPOFF of Donald Duck, and I liked it better when it was called Disney.

Series: Seymour
Ranking: Cruddy Ripoff
Description: How many ripoffs of Archie ARE there? Two: Seymour and Wilbur. I think it's kind of pathetic that a comic company would ripoff it's own title character.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

ICM Science

Hey, students! Wanna get science-ical? Then buy ICM's Science Textbook! It has all you need to know!

EXCERPT:

Chapter One: Photosynthesis

Photosynthesis is a process where you go into a dark room and develop a photo. You can also develop plants in this dark room, but, hey, that's advanced! I shall stick to stupid stuff for stupid people. Just for you. Okay, I have no idea what science is.

Buy the full book now on Amazon!: www.amazon.com/thisisnotarealurlandifyougoonityousuckhaha

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Old Cartoons Versus New Cartoons (Part Two, Conclusion)

So, as I said yesterday, the newer cartoons are flat, lifeless, while the older cartoons put more care and personality into them.

See what I mean? Where's the personality there, besides the fact that the creators are obviously screaming, "shoot me". Now, let's take Hanna-Barbera cartoons as an example for good cartoons. The animation quality wasn't perfect, but while they sacrificed that, they got the character's personality into every shot!
 
Above is my proof. That was raining personality, while the quality was a bit choppy. The Hanna-Barbera people definitely cared about what their cartoons looked like, while newer studios could just puke on their drawings for all they care. Now, not all new animation studios are bad. Frederator and United Plankton are good ones, as well as many more.
 
Roger Rabbit (above). My favorite movie, which was probably the hardest movie ever to make. The production history is too much to list here, so just look it up. That goes to show how much they cared about what their cartoon looked like.
I know that this was a different topic for my blog, but, hey! I need to prove that point. Back to funny stuff tomorrow. Or the day after. I'm lazy.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Old Cartoons Versus New Cartoons (Part One)

 Hello, class! Actually, most of you are probably older than me, but I'll still talk down to you. There was a time when cartoons were good, believe it or not. Here is the detail Disney and Iwerks put in their cartoons....

...and now, here's the crud Nickelodeon is feeding us nowadays:

But, Nickelodeon wasn't always bad!They used to have Rugrats, Ren And Stimpy (my personal favorite), Hey Arnold, Invader Zim, Spongebob (I know it's still on, but better quality Spongebob), and more. Look at how cool THEIR cartons were back in the day:

That was the quality Nick used to have. Now, it's just flat, lifeless characters who wedgie themselves for 15 minutes and call it a show.
TO BE CONTINUED!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

It's...Magic!

I'm kind of weird with magic. I can make money disappear, but I have trouble making it appear again.

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Six Degrees Of Stimpy

Here's something I came up with. It revolves around the letter "J":

Stimpy J. Cat was voiced by Billy West,
Who also voiced Philip J. Fry in Futurama, created by
Matt Greoning, who's most famous character is Homer J. Simpson,
Who found out that his middle name actually is "Jay", which is not far off from
"Jake", as in Jake the dog, who was created by Pendleton Ward, who also made
Bravest Warriors, an internet-only cartoon series, and
The first internet-only cartoon series was "The George Liquor Program", made by
John K, who also made Stimpy J. Cat....

Friday, June 14, 2013

Dick And Jane ICM-Ified

I will try to write Dick and Jane:

See Spot run.
Spot runs fast.
Spot goes fast.
Fun, fun fun!
Spot sees a tree.
He goes to it.
He lifts up his leg.
What are you doing, Spot?
Oh, my God!
Spot, that is gross.
Say, "Goodbye" to the tree, Spot.
You are going inside now.
The tree smells funny now.
Oh, funny tree!
Why do you smell funny?
Oh, wait, I think I know why.