Fruit-A-Rooty

Here's something I don't get:
Fred Flintstone is always minding his own business, eating Fruity Pebbles. All of a sudden, Barney Rubble comes up to him and tries to steal his cereal in multiple ways.
What's up with this, Barney?
Can't you just go out and BUY your own cereal? Are you a cheapskate? Why would you even WANT cereal in the stone-age? In the Flintstones show, everything is made of rocks.
There are a bunch of things I could ask about this show, though it IS one of my favorites. Such as:
-If the cars are propelled by someone walking, why wouldn't you just walk around? And braking abruptly would hurt your skin a LOT.
-If all the appliances are animals, what would be a toilet? Does the ASPCA know about this problem?
-What exactly is the point of Fred's job? All he does is move a rock two inches.
-The houses in the show must be really long, because the Flintstones tend to run by the exact same background in a loop.

Choose Your Own Adventure Fail

You know those Choose Your Own Adventure books? They're books where you can choose what happens next, and you DIE IN PRETTY MUCH EVERY ENDING.
So, I made my own:

Choose Your Own Adventure: ICM Edition

You are reading the blog ICM, and you are about to read a post where you do a Choose Your Own Adventure. If you wish to continue, go to page 15. If you don't go to page 2.
PAGE 2
Too bad! Continue anyways, sucker! Go to page 15.
PAGE 15
You start to read this lame feature, and suddenly, a dragon swoops in your room. Not just ANY dragon, but a robot-unicorn-Mexican-auilriphobic-osessive-compulsive-dragon....that's standing on Garfield...under the sea!! That's right, all of a sudden, you're under the sea. Do you want to fight him or not? If you want to fight, go to page 16. If you don't, go to page 20.
PAGE 16
You start to fight, and then the dragon turns into Voltron. You can't decide if this is a MetLife ad or if you're waxing nostalgic, so you run. You run, then you realize that you can't breathe under the sea and die. Too bad, so sad. Should've gone to page 20.
PAGE 20
You may not fight, so the dragon fights you. Unfortunately for him, Garfield walks away, then the dragon falls, and he dies. You win! You swim above the surface and make your way home. But wait! Meh, nothing happens. Go to page 46.
PAGE 46
All of a sudden you see Quiznos. Do you want to go in? If you want a sub, go to page 127. If not, go to page 47.
PAGE 47
You just keep walking. All of a sudden, your Quiznos-deprivation kicks in, and you starve to death. Ha ha! Loser! Page 127 seems like a good choice now, huh?
PAGE 127
You go into Quiznos, and they announce that you are there eleventy-quillionth customer. "What do I win," you ask? "NOTHING!!" They scream. They then kill you for being so selfish. The end.
See,you can't win!

Vinnie Pukh

Vinnie Pukh! What is a Vinnie Pukh, you may ask? I'll quiz you.
Is it:
A) The Swedish insult towards the Muppets, as Sweden hated the Swedish Chef?
B) PaRappa the rapper's original name?
C) German bread?
D) The Russian equivalent to Winnie the Pooh?
The answer is D, the Russian equivalent to Winnie the Pooh.
I have posted it here as it is just horrible-horribly funny, too-but, before you read, here are a few things you may need to know that I've noticed.
First off, Winnie-er, Vinnie is the most serious version of a Disney character ever. He looks like he wants to kill himself. He also looks like a raccoon, but that's a whole other blog post.
Second, I noticed a few goofs:
- I have posted a version of Vinnie dubbed in another language. Therefore, this first error does not apply in this video, but it did in the original version: When Vinnie jumps in the mud abruptly, there is a splash sound effect when he is still about five feet away from the mud.
-When the bees form a pyramid, two of them magically teleport to the top, without moving. Cool trick.
Finally, when Vinnie stares at the screen, he would appear to be a demon staring into my soul. Here's the video!

ICM Poetry

I shall attempt poetry, as I did with my Mitt Romney-Dr. Seuss spoof a while back. These are all original, and EXCLUSIVE to ICM! You can re-post them if you give me credit. Please? Pretty please?
An Ode To The Internet
I watch all these videos
But could my brain take
Another one of those dances
They call Harlem Shake?
RE: Politics
There once was a man named Nixon
He gave America a bad fixin'
And then Reagan came
He turned USA lame
With Reaganomics, he made us all schvitzin'.
All the guys ran US like drunk llamas
We elect them, though we don't wanna
But we're begging you please
Don't make us get on our knees
Don't mess up this time, Obama!
The Only Motivational Poem Left On Earth

I Watch The News
I watch the news
Every day
And it makes me sad to say
That it just sucks
The government says, "Hey!"
"Let's mess this country in every way!"
A Message To The Government (In The Style Of Rudyard Kipling)
You can keep on messing up, if it doesn't affect you
You're losing it and I want to punch you;
Can we trust you? I don't think so. Honestly, I doubt you,
And our tax allowance makes me doubt you, too;
If you can wait for USA to miraculously repair,
Well, get on your flying pig and come to the land of Ooo,
Get real and get off your butts, honestly, dudes, you're going nuts,
If you want America better, it's up to you!

Huh Huh Huh

I strongly believe that the next person who laughs at the word "duty" should be forced to stare at their own poop for four hours and see if they're still laughing.

ICM's Office Orginization Kit

Hey, it's Cartoonist Guy, here with this exclusive kit you can order for organizing your blog! You may be wondering, "Why is Cartoonist Guy selling an organization kit?" It may be true that I'm unorganized and my desk looks like ToonTown puked all over it, but hey, I want to help you! Here's the kit:

Oz The Great And Powerful Review

As I mentioned earlier, Oz The Great And Powerful was the movie I saw on vacation. Let's review:

Oz The Great And Powerful (2013)

Before we begin, let's have an introduction. I LOVE Disney. Such characters like Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Roger Rabbit! Such movies like Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Mary Poppins, Toy Story! They rock. But when they try to take a dark backstory (thumbs up if you only know that word because of Phineas And Ferb, another form of Disney awesomeness)......well, it wasn't the brightest idea. I LOVED THIS MOVIE. It was amazing. But with a joke every five seconds, it really took away some of the backstory elements. Now, The Wizard Of Oz's backstory went PERFECT with the jokes, so GREAT JOB, DISNEY! You did this movie well. But next time, it may not work as well. Disney, leave your backstories to Doofenshmirtz, because I think another movie in the form of a backstory by you should be left to another company............

Plot: Oscar (or "Oz" for short) is a con man who works as a magician in a Kansas fair. (Why does that sentence remind me of "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea"?) He does a fake levitating show, where he chooses a member of the audience which he will make levitate. But......the audience member he chooses had rehearsed this trick with him beforehand. Blah, blah, blah, it works out, blah, blah, blah, another audience member asks him to do the same thing to her which he can't, blah, blah, blah, angry mob.
Oz hides in is cabin (a pineapple under the sea. No, not really) were some steroid-induced strongman from the Kansas fair (under the sea) wants to beat him up. He runs away in a hot air balloon not thinking of where he'll land, blah, blah, blah, tornado (Here's a connection!), blah, blah, blah, he lands in a pineapple under the sea. No, not really, but close though. He lands in a river with no pineapples, sponges, starfish, or Nicktoons.
A lady named Theodora help him get out of the no-Nickelodeon-references lake, and she turns out to be a witch. But, she's a good witch. He says e's Oz, who is apparently the wizard that the land he's landed in, Oz, is looking for, and that Plankton.....ugh, I'm in Nickelodeon mode......I mean, the wicked witch will do anything to kill him. Blah, blah, blah, they go to Emerald City, blah, blah, blah, they find a good guy flying monkey named Finnley who follows Oz around, blah, blah, blah, Oz kicks a magic 8-ball giving him two fairy godparents named Cosmo and Wanda....ha! Gotcha there! You didn't see that Nickelodeon reference coming up (though that didn't happen in the film)!...blah, blah, blah, he meets another good witch whose name I forget who turns out to be evil and later transforms Theodora (but not Alvin and Simon...hey, a NON-Nickelodeon reference!) into the wicked witch. Oz and Finnley are sent on a quest to kill the wicked witch, meet a girl made of glass, and when they think they've finally found the wicked witch, it's actually the good witch, Glinda, then he finds out that the other witch is ad and that she's turned Theodora evil, and then there's a huge war between Oz and the bad witches where Oz fakes his death, saves the day by coming back as a "ghost", and forever remains "dead" to the "people" "of" "Oz". (What's up with the quotation marks?) Though he's alive.

Rating: 9 stars (out of a possible 10). Confusing and freaky, but good.

Reccomended For: Fans of the original Oz series (books or movies).

ICM's First Internet Awards

Welcome, welcome, people sitting in their mother's basements reading this! I am Cartoonist Guy, author of this blog, the one you're reading, and if I have to be more specific you need help! I'm here to host....

ICM's First Annual Internet Awards

We are gathered here today to award the best internet crazes and videos this year! And guess what? You don't get to vote! Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I fart in your general direction! (That wins, in my personal opinion, the award for most funny spontaneous Monty Python comeback....)
So, here goes! The categries:

Best Harlem Shake

The nominees are:
-Duck Commander/Buck Commander Harlem Shake
-Cartoon Network Adventure Time Harlem Shake
-The Simpsons: Homer Shake
-Harlem Shake (Original)
-And the winner is:
HOMER SHAKE!!!

 

The Homer Shake is the official Harlem Shake of Fox Animation! Next category, please-

Best Social Commentary

The nominees are:

-Doofenshmirtz's Daily Dirt

-Oppan US Style (I made this video, and it's here for a shameless plug.)

-Patrick Star On The Bible

And the winner is......

DOOFENSHMIRTZ'S DAILY DIRT!!

I didn't choose my own video because I'm not THAT much of a jerk. Wait to go, Heinz!

Best Pointless Video

Nominees, if you will:
 -Nyan Cat
-I've Got A Jar Of Dirt
-Harlem Shake (Original)
-Haundahuahnaha (I don't know how to spell it, but you know what I'm talking about.)
Winner:
I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT!!

I would choose Nyan Cat, but that's kind of old now. Hey, Nyan Cat will never die, but this lesser-known video wins because....IT'S....SO.....DANG....CATCHY.

Most Popular Video Overall

Oh my gosh, here comes the big one. You know that feeling. It's like when you're on the toilet, and you're reading an old MAD Magazine, and you say it: "Oh my gosh, here comes the big one."
It's a gross metaphor that I really shouldn't have shared, and you readers are probably puking right now. In fact, I think I just lost half of you. But now you know what I mean!
The nominees are:
-Harlem Shake (Original)
-Assassin's Creed Rap (Smosh)
-Oppan Gangnam Style
-The "Draw My Life" Series
Aaaaaand the winner is....
GANGNAM STYLE!

 

You've all seen it, so there's really no point in putting it up here. It has the most views in the history of YouTube, and I even tried to get some extra popularity by making a parody of it (music video coming soon, I promise)! We can fire as many Harlem Shakes or Trolls at it as we want, but it will remain the most popular....that is, until some other dancing guy farts the alphabet. Until then, here's to Psy!

Thank you for tuning in! If you disagree with any of my decisions, please feel free to leave a comment (with no swears). If I get enough, I will post the other most popular selections!

Thank you and good night!.....Well, I'm actually finishing this up at 8:11 AM, so, uh, good morning!....too!

For Worser Or For Best

Sorry I haven't blogged for a week or so, I was on vacation at my Grandmaman's (French for "grandma". That's right, I got French roots. Pass me that baguette, homey.) She doesn't have a computer and all Wi-Fi networks were secured, so yeah, sorry. (Something notable I noticed while visiting: all the fans in the city she lives in resemble Ren Hoek in a strange way...)
So, I'm back!
While I was there, I brought one of my For Better Or For Worse books. (I also saw the new Oz movie; review coming soon.) For Better Or For Worse is a "real time" comic strip (meaning it's realistic as in people age and die), so I gotta give it's cartoonist, Lynn Johnston, credit. Real time comics are HARD. So it's only natural that Lynn messed up a few times:
-Both of the parents, Elly and John, were 39 when they had their third baby, April. Later in the strip, John turns 50, and April has just started Junior Kindergarten. Nice trick, April. I'm sure half the world would LOVE to know your secret.
That's all for today! Bye! See ya later! Au revoir! Shalom! Peace! You never passed me that baguette I asked for!

Overheard At Obama's Last Speech

At Obama's last speech, the following was overheard:

-"Harlem Shake?" "Maybe Later".
-"Man, his ears are pointy."
-"Hey, Beavis, He said 'duty'! Huh huh huh!"
-"Can't wait for the toga party after this speech is done. Word is, Obama'll wear a lampshade."
-"Waaaiit a minute, this isn't Comic Con."
-"When he gets to a minute and a half of talking, throw the brick!"
-"Pope? Is that you?"
-"I overheard the governors plotting to take over the world..."
-"Okay, wait until he has a stupid expression, then snap the picture, and send it back to MAD Magazine for big money!"
-"I just tried to use Obama's toilet, but it does a butt DNA scan before you can start."